


even a fool knows

by starryswans (shakespearb)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (kinda), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Crying, Friendship, Happy Ending, Might be OOC, Songfic, Unrequited Love, but not really?, hinata appears for one part, i never write angst so pls dont expect much, karasuno vbc mentioned, lots of them - Freeform, teruyama only mentioned tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23429779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespearb/pseuds/starryswans
Summary: "Tsukishima knew that he was a fool for ever thinking he could live without Yamaguchi."A songfic in which Tsukishima realises how stupid he had been, but only after Yamaguchi got together with Terushima.
Relationships: Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 113





	even a fool knows

**Author's Note:**

> hello there :D
> 
> i just wanted to write a fic based on Stray Kids - Mixtape: On Track and this happened.
> 
> tbh, i dont really like how this turned out considering how messy it is but this is also the longest i ever took to write a fic so i didnt want to let it go to waste lol. hopefully it isnt too confusing and the boys dont seem too OOC jsjhhdj
> 
> (also: most of this story is set in their 2nd year.)

Only the sound of the whirring ceiling fan was filling the room. The dim moonlight seeping through the curtains was the sole source of light in the room. Tsukishima stared at the ceiling. He wished that he could say his head was empty, but truthfully it was filled to the brim with thoughts of.. him. His chest was painfully tight and heavy, like it was being tied and stepped on at the same time. He wanted to cry it all out, wanted to free his heart from the grip of regret, but truthfully, he had no more tears left to cry. He had squeezed all the tears out and all he knows now is that he feels empty. 

But he knew he deserved it, deserved this pain.

It was all his fault, anyways.

**_“I should’ve hurried, it’s too late to regret it now.”_ **

Tsukishima could not say he never noticed the changes in his friend. In fact it was all so clear and blaring from the start. When Terushima first approached Yamaguchi, Tsukishima was there. When he first entered Yamaguchi’s book of life, Tsukishima was there. He remembers how Terushima had approached them excitedly, asking for Yamaguchi’s number after their match after showering him with endless compliments. He was loud, annoying and stepped on every single nerve in Tsukishima’s entire system. Tsukishima had scoffed when Terushima asked Yamaguchi the question. Yamaguchi was flustered, overwhelmed by the sudden approach. In the end, Terushima’s persistence won as Yamaguchi typed in his number into Terushima’s phone, face still red from the endless stream of “You’re so cute”s rolling off Terushima’s tongue. Tsukishima had rolled his eyes seeing how easily flustered his friend had gotten from such simple words. Tsukishima had ignored the slight squeezing of his heart, ignored the feeling of jealousy he had. He knew how much Yamaguchi liked him anyways, and there was no way he would ever end up losing to an annoying studded tongue punk like Terushima Yuuji. 

So he never bothered to stop Yamaguchi.

Even when their meetings became more frequent. Even when Yamaguchi started spending more time with Terushima. Even when Terushima became his first choice to spend holidays with. 

Tsukishima didn’t think of stopping Yamaguchi.

By the time Tsukishima finally realised that Yamaguchi was no longer the one having to keep up, Yamaguchi had already ran ahead and found someone else who ran at the same pace as he did.

**_“I should’ve let go of my foolish pride then.”_ **

It was no secret that Yamaguchi had a huge crush on Tsukishima. Anyone who had spent time with the both of them could all just see the hearts floating around Yamaguchi everytime he was with Tsukishima. And Tsukishima may be four-eyed, but that fact was as clear as daylight to him too. He knew. He had always known how Yamaguchi liked him. There has been so many times where he knew Yamaguchi was planning to finally address it but had chickened out at the last minute. And every single time, Tsukishima never bothered to push it further. He had some sort of pride in his reputation of being cold-hearted, and he did not want to break that image too much even if it was with Yamaguchi. 

So he waited. He never minded how long he needed to wait. He wanted Yamaguchi to be the one to confess to him, and not the other way round. 

And he waited, for years. Through middle school. Through the first few months of their 1st year in high school.

Like a damn fool. 

He wonders now why he ever thought keeping his reputation was more important than keeping Yamaguchi by his side. 

**_“I’m only regretting now for missing out on the chance.”_ **

Tsukishima wanted to be the first one to ask him why.

Yamaguchi had been especially happy on that day. His smile seemed to be permanently painted on his face from the moment he stepped into the clubroom, the tone in his voice much higher and cheerful than Tsukishima ever remembered hearing. And most ridiculous of all, Yamaguchi seemed to be floating all over the place from how high up cloud 9 he was. Yamaguchi had always been a cheerful boy, but damn, he was on another level of bright today.

Tsukishima wanted to ask him what made him so giddily overjoyed. But Yamaguchi had told him about his plans the night before and truthfully, Tsukishima was afraid. Afraid of facing with the truth, eye to eye. He knew how much ignorance was bliss, and he really did not want to hear the news he knew Yamaguchi had. He knew that there was only one huge possible reason why Yamaguchi was so joyful after meeting with Terushima last night. He knew, and that’s why he was too terrified to stop biting the inside of his cheeks.

It was Hinata who finally addressed the elephant in the room. 

It was a simple question, really. Just three words. Three simple words that rolled off Hinata’s tongue, each and every one of them feeling like a 100kg weight dropping on Tsukishima’s shoulders. Yamaguchi’s face flushing red is the final thing that pushed Tsukishima down.

Blushing, his smile still not leaving his face, Yamaguchi stammered out, “I kind of… got a boyfriend? Yuuji and I made it official last night.”

A parade of congratulations washed over the gym. Nishinoya doing his usual jumping handstand on Yamaguchi’s shoulders as Tanaka ruffled his hair, dropping friendly teasings that made Yamaguchi even more flustered than he had already been before. Everyone was happy for Yamaguchi. 

Tsukishima wished he could feel the same way, but only anger, regret and disappointment filled his mind. He mustered a smile and congratulated Yamaguchi too, before excusing himself to the washroom. 

Tsukishima wanted to be the first one to ask him to be his boyfriend. 

Tsukishima wanted to be the first one.

But he wasn't.

_ Pathetic. _

**_“If you go further away / I might fall apart by myself”_ **

When Tsukishima reached home that evening after Yamaguchi broke out the news, he walked directly to his room in silence. He threw his bag on the floor, reaching out to grab some clothes and his towel before heading to shower. He got out from the shower, rejected his mom’s offer for dinner and went back to his room wordlessly. He sat down on his chair, taking out his homework to do them. 

Or at least, he intended to.

But he was too distracted and could barely even make out the words on his paper. The only things circling his mind were “what if”s and “why”s. What if he had just talked about it from the moment he connected the dots about Yamaguchi’s crush on him? What if he had pulled Yamaguchi away from the moment Terushima approached them? Why did he not hold on to Yamaguchi tighter? Why was he so egotistical? 

For the first time in years, Tsukishima did not complete his assignments.

For the first time in years, Tsukishima found it difficult to focus on anything he does.

For the first time in his life, Tsukishima cries himself every night, only being able to fall asleep when he feels numb.

**_“The ideal moment that we’ll be together / I got too used to it that it became my daily life”_ **

Tsukishima Kei was smart. He always achieved stellar grades, but his smarts went further than just academics. He was observant, perceptive and creative. Tsukishima had a brain that anyone would get jealous of. 

But it wasn’t perfect. Nothing is.

This time, Tsukishima Kei was stupidly naive. 

From the moment Yamaguchi latched onto him in elementary school, he never left. Tsukishima saw how Yamaguchi had grown over the years. He saw how Yamaguchi went from barely knowing anything about volleyball to being the confident pinch server he was now. Yamaguchi’s mother always welcomed him with open arms when he came over, and his own mom did the same for Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi had stayed even through Tsukishima’s roughest times. He had always been there for Tsukishima, even if Tsukishima tried to build walls to push him away. Even if Tsukishima had not always returned the favour. Even if their relationship was almost heavily one-sided. 

Tsukishima naively took that for granted. He thought that since Yamaguchi had never once left his side, he never will. He thought that Yamaguchi loved him too much to let go. He thought Yamaguchi would continue to cling on to him. He got used to having Yamaguchi being the one doing the chasing. He got used to having Yamaguchi matching his pace. It was his daily life, walking around with Yamaguchi doing most of the talking beside him. It was his daily life, being together with Yamaguchi.

He got too used to hearing Yamaguchi’s voice on his way back home daily.

So much so, that the silence that used to feel peaceful and warm now felt suffocatingly cold. 

So much so, that the road back home felt lonelier and longer than it ever was.

Tsukishima Kei had been stupidly naive to have gotten too used to Yamaguchi’s presence that he took it for granted.

**_“For whatever reason / I really hate you because I feel so far from you”_ **

It has been a week since Yamaguchi announced his relationship.

Tsukishima thought things would get better with time, but the saying that time would heal was simply a lie. 

He had really tried his best to ensure nothing else changed between them the whole time. He continued acting like he used to before this entire ordeal. Tsukishima had hoped that if he pretended like nothing happened, everything would go back to normal. 

Well to be fair, actually it did.

It was not like Yamaguchi ever tried to avoid him. Yamaguchi still stayed around him mostly, especially in school. Yamaguchi still continued to babble away about his random things. Yamaguchi still acted the same way as he had always been. 

Except one thing: He was always talking about Terushima.

It was like being slapped in the face over and over again every time he comes up in the conversation. The way Yamaguchi got way more excited when he talks about Terushima. The way Yamaguchi recounts his meetups, conversations and silly things they did together. The way Yamaguchi keeps showing Tsukishima their text messages filled with “I love you”s and hearts. All of that drove Tsukishima insane. 

He finally snapped when Yamaguchi kept smiling at his phone during break at practice.

“Fuck, it feels like your spirit isn’t even here. Stop texting him and talk to me instead, damn it,” Tsukishima blurted out when Yamaguchi hurriedly unlocked his phone to read the new text he received.

Yamaguchi looked up at him and Tsukishima quickly turned away to avoid eye contact. He was confused, but as he always had done before, Yamaguchi apologised cheerfully before putting away his phone. Tsukishima breathed out a heavy sigh, ignoring Yamaguchi and getting up as Ennoshita called them back to practice. Yamaguchi was appalled by the blonde’s sudden behavior, but he brushed it off and jogged his way to where the rest of the team had gathered.

Now, after practice was when everything went down.

Tsukishima truthfully wanted to just leave and walk back home. As much as he hated the silence, he knew Yamaguchi would bring up what had happened during break. Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he would be able to pull himself together for the entire duration of their journey, not sure if he could even hold himself back from voicing the thoughts that were jumping around his mind, ready to fall out of his mouth. For today, Tsukishima really looked forward to just staring at the grey pavement with his headphones blaring loud enough in his ears to muffle any other sound. The voices in his head were overbearing enough by themselves anyways. But of course, fate had different plans and who was Tsukishima to defy it. 

The entire journey was more unbearable than he had thought. The tense atmosphere between them sent chills down Tsukishima’s spine. Tsukishima tried to ignore the deafening silence between the two, focusing intently on the soft sounds of their shoes hitting asphalt. He could just feel the words lingering in Yamaguchi’s mouth as he hesitated to say it. They were about 2 streets away from where they would go their separate ways, and Tsukishima wondered if Yamaguchi could just hold it in for a little while longer

2 streets later, Tsukishima nodded slightly at Yamaguchi before he turned to continue his journey home. He let out the breath he did not realise he was holding as soon as he did. He raised his hands to put his headphones on, but a sudden touch stopped him and forced him to turn back. Yamaguchi’s hands were around his wrist, grip tight enough that Tsukishima could not pull away but not too tight that it hurt.

Yamaguchi breathed in slowly and exhaled, “You’ve changed, Tsukishima.”

Just when Tsukishima thought that he was free, he was pushed right back to face the problem he had been avoiding. Tsukishima tried to pull himself together, coldly declaring that he had not changed and that he did not know what Yamaguchi meant. Of course, that was a lie. Tsukishima knows how much he has changed since Yamaguchi got together with Terushima. 

“You really think I didn’t notice? You’ve been so much more silent than you’ve ever been before, Your face has been bearing a permanent scowl. At this point, your eyebrows are basically a unibrow from how much you frowned,” Yamaguchi pointed out, his voice changing into a softer tone as he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m going home. Let me go.”

Yamaguchi tightened his grip, “Not until you tell me what’s the problem. I want to help you Tsukki, let me help you. I’m your best friend, you know. Trust me.”

Tsukishima wanted to laugh. And cry. Yamaguchi had referred to him as ‘best friend’ and it was yet again another realisation that that would be the most he would ever mean to Yamaguchi. He wanted to laugh at how his pathetic heart dropped upon hearing the title. He wanted to laugh at how pathetic he was to be disappointed when it was him who had let go of the chance to be more. But he wanted to cry at the fact that he would never be more.

With the dam holding his tears slowly about to crumble, Tsukishima mustered all the energy he could to yank Yamaguchi’s hand away and spit out that he did not need Yamaguchi’s help. He hoped his voice was filled with enough venom to get Yamaguchi off his back. He quickly turned to head home, wanting to just hide under his pillows throughout the whole weekend. Yamaguchi was still following him and calling out his name, but Tsukishima picked up his pace and ignored him.

“Tsukishima Kei, tell me what I did wrong!” Yamaguchi shouted exasperatedly when he finally got close enough to pull Tsukishima’s arm back, “I know you’re mad at me.”

“Fuck, just go spend time with your boyfriend instead and leave me the fuck alone. Just go talk to him, be his best friend too and let him be yours. Might as well, since you’re so far gone.”

The words had come out from his mouth before Tsukishima could filter it. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole at that moment when the realisation on what he had just said hit him. Yamaguchi looked at him wide-eyed, his grip on Tsukishima’s arm tightening, His eyes burned with anger, it reminded Tsukishima of the time in Tokyo where Yamaguchi had scolded him during the training camp. Tsukishima had done it - he reached a level of stupidity that surpassed the freak duo.

“What do you mean by that?” Yamaguchi asked through gritted teeth, putting emphasis on every word as it laced with anger.

Tsukishima’s logical brain had long deactivated as he spat out, “Don’t act fucking stupid. You say I’ve changed? Do you realise how much you did? You keep spending more and more of your time with Terushima. You keep talking only about him. You never even considered asking me to hang out like we used to do anymore. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend Yamaguchi, I miss us. But you’re so out of reach now with your fucking boyfriend, it’s obvious it’s only me who cares about the fragile, breaking state of this fucking friendship.”

Yamaguchi scoffed, letting go of Tsukishima’s arm before running his hands through his hair in disbelief. He rolled his eyes, and then looked dead in Tsukishima’s eyes. Tsukishima has never seen Yamaguchi’s eyes looking like that before. It was completely sharp, and it made Tsukishima feel like the shorter male was going to burn a hole straight through his skull with his eyes alone. It was terrifying. 

Yamaguchi then laughed. Not the usual cheerful laugh he always heard when Yamaguchi was happy, It was not the laugh that made butterflies fly around in his stomach, It was not the laugh that Tsukishima had grown to love. Yamaguchi’s laugh this time sounded like one of his own - sarcastic, mocking. It was like a villain’s laugh. Again, terrifying.

“Oh god, Tsukishima. You? You’re the ONLY one who cares about this friendship? YOU caring about us?” Yamaguchi asked rhetorically, “You’re honestly the most selfish person I’ve ever met. Missing us? Wanting to hang out? Why did you not just take the initiative to ask then?”

A pause. Tsukishima had no answer to that question. 

“Why must it be me? All those years, I was the one building this entire friendship. I was always the one taking initiative. I was always the one to trail along with you. And you’re telling me I don’t care about this? You are the one wanting us to spend time together, yet I have to be the one to ask? Why must it always be me?”

Tsukishima wondered that too. Yamaguchi paused again. He looked deep in thought, and Tsukishima wanted to say something but he did not know what he could even say at that point. Yamaguchi suddenly made a surprised exclamation before looking up. Tsukishima waited for the pinch server to talk.

“Have you always been waiting for me to ask you out all this time too? Were you waiting for me to be the first to confess too?”

Tsukishima wanted to deny, he wanted to say no. But his tongue was tied. Nothing came out from his open mouth, and both of the boys knew what it meant.

“You’re ridiculously selfish Tsukishima. I can’t believe I ever had feelings for a stuck up jerk like you.”

Yamaguchi huffed, before turning back to leave. 

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, Tsukishima.”

**_“(I should’ve held on to you)”_ **

As Yamaguchi walked away, Tsukishima let his instincts take over as he ran forward and wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi immediately yanked them away, turning around and shouting “What the fuck?” at Tsukishima. 

“I’m sorry for everything.” Tsukishima muttered out, reaching out his hand towards Yamaguchi’s cheek.

“Don’t touch me,” Yamaguchi warned as he slapped the blonde’s hand away, “I can’t forgive you right now. You’ve hurt me too much for me to do it so easily.”

Tsukishima knows that. He knew he had hurt Yamaguchi a lot. He did not expect to be forgiven, but he was still disappointed at that. Yamaguchi was right, he was selfish. The most selfish prick he knows. “Yamaguchi, please.”

“Goodbye, Tsukishima.”

**_“Don’t go. Don’t leave me”_ **

Yamaguchi walked away, and Tsukishima trailed behind. He reached out to Yamaguchi, grabbing on his fingers as his knees gave in. 

_ Pathetic _ .

Tsukishima Kei was pathetic. 

He probably looked like a complete mess. He was on his knees, his hands holding tightly to Yamaguchi’s fingers like it was his final lifeline. He was crying now, the tears wetting his cheeks endlessly. His nose was probably red as he sniffed the snots back in. He was shaking everywhere. His head, his arms and even his voice as he begged Yamaguchi to not leave.

Yamaguchi stood strong. There were evidently tears rolling down his cheeks too. There was hurt in his eyes too. But he stood firm, pulling his fingers away from Tsukishima’s grasp

Once again he said goodbye, his voice clear and absolute. Once again, he turned around and walked further away. He left Tsukishima on the ground, like he had never been anything more than a stranger. 

**_“Please turn around and look at me.”_ **

Tsukishima hoped Yamaguchi would eventually come back. He felt so weak that he could not even get up to run after Yamaguchi anymore. He stayed there on the ground, watching Yamaguchi walk away.

He never did turn back. He never even looked back once. Yamaguchi had walked straight into the darkness. Tsukishima watched as his figure became smaller and smaller, until he was too far for Tsukishima to see. 

Tsukishima stayed there on the rough pavement for a while, his heart still lingering with the hope that Yamaguchi would turn back and help him up like he used to.

He never did.

**_“Even a fool knows this / You’re the best thing I’ve got”_ **

The morning sun seemed to be shining too bright for his liking when he woke up the next day. Tsukishima’s head was still pounding from how much he had cried the previous night. He was still in his school uniform, he had no energy to change yesterday. He didn’t know how long he cried, he didn’t know what time it was when he finally fell asleep.

His whole body felt heavier than ever as he slowly walked his way to the washroom to shower. He contemplates having breakfast - his stomach was growling since he hasn’t eaten since lunch but he felt too nauseous to eat. After changing into a fresh set of clothes, Tsukishima walked to the kitchen to grab an apple. He was just about to go back to his room and dwell again in his misery when the doorbell rang. He knew for sure it was a guest, considering his parents had plans that day and his brother was away for university. 

He really didn’t want to deal with this today. 

He didn’t want to deal with anyone.

The sound of the doorbell persisted, and Tsukishima realised that it could be Yamaguchi. Maybe he came to resolve their conflict last night. So, with high hopes Tsukishima rushed to the door only to have his heart sink at the sight of his orange-haired teammate. Tsukishima grumbled and asked him what he wanted. He especially didn’t want to deal with a Hinata Shouyou today.

Hinata slapped Tsukishima.

“What the heck, Hinata? What’s that for?” Tsukishima yelped, his hands holding his stinging cheek.

“You’re a bastard. You told Yamaguchi that he didn’t care about you? You, out of all people, have no right to do so,” Hinata stated, “Do you even know how badly hurt Yamaguchi is right now? He’s even avoiding Terushima’s calls and messages.”

Tsukishima was stunned. It was not surprising that Hinata knew all that. Besides him, Yamaguchi was closest to Hinata and unlike him, Hinata and Terushima are actually friends. What he did not expect was how angered Hinata was right now. It was not his business after all, and he was not even involved in any shape or form in the fight. 

“It’s none of your business, Hinata.”

Hinata laughed, “Oh, it became my business when Yamaguchi suddenly called me last night breathing so hard, telling me what happened between choked tears. He was bawling, Tsukishima. I literally had to run down the hill because he was crying so hard. I thought he couldn’t breathe or something.”

Tsukishima continued to remain silent. He honestly had no idea what to say. His own heart was hurting enough knowing he had ruined the only close friendship he ever had. Now that Hinata was telling him how Yamaguchi was, it only wrecked his heart even more. Tsukishima never felt such pain before. He wondered if there were even any words to describe the squeeze in his chest. Hinata’s silence only worsened the situation. HInata was rarely silent, but everytime he was - usually, shit goes down. It was chilling, to say the least.

“Tsukishima, seriously. Even the stupidest person in the world would be able to see how much Yamaguchi treasures you. Even when you pretended not to know anything about his crush on you, even when you ignore him, even through all the crap you give him. You’ve always been his number one priority,” Hinata huffed out, in a calm yet threatening tone that sent chills down Tsukishima’s spine. 

“I hope you figure out something. He still cares, so please. It hurts me to see him hurting that badly. Nobody else could ever put up with you for as long as him. Yamaguchi is the best thing you’ve ever had in your life, and as much as I want to just push you as far away as possible from him, he wouldn’t want to have to let you go either.” With that, Hinata turned back to leave Tsukishima in the quiet morning.

Tsukishima never felt so small in front of Hinata. Tsukishima slowly closed his door, sliding down it and hugging his knees. He wanted to cry and release the pain in his chest, but really, does he even have the right to cry? He was the one who had severed their friendship. He was the one who took the heart Yamaguchi had given him and crushed it. 

**_“I can never let you go.”_ **

Tsukishima stared at the contact information displayed on his phone. His hands were shaking as his thumb hovered above the green call button. It has been 3 hours since Hinata left. For 3 hours, Tsukishima had stared at the ceiling like the answers would fall out the little cracks. Tsukishima finally managed to get up to open up Yamaguchi’s contact, but he could not bring himself to call him. It hurt to see his contact when a smiling Yamaguchi was seen at the top. He had been the one to wipe that smile of his freckled face. 

He should try to at least bring the smile back, right? 

Without leaving a single moment to allow himself to rethink his decision, he pressed the button. The phone rang for a while. With every loop of the short jingle, Tsukishima started regretting his choice. Yamaguchi usually picked up in 3 rings or less. Tsukishima was about to end the call, accept how stupid he had been, dig a hole somewhere and disappear from the surface of the Earth. But the phone finally stopped ringing just as he was about to, and he hurriedly apologised as soon as the other side picked up. He wanted Yamaguchi to at least hear his apology before he hung up. The response he got made him stiffened up immediately.

“Are you fucking serious right now? You think you can just call him and apologise over the phone after leaving him this miserable? Don’t even contact Yamaguchi unless you are sincerely sorry and not just apologising because you’re afraid of losing the only friend you have,” Terushima spat out on the other line before hanging up. 

**_“How could I ever let you go?”_ **

Tsukishima sat staring at his phone screen. It was clear that Yamaguchi was slipping away with every minute he spent cooped up in his room. 

He would never forgive himself if Yamaguchi ended up too far away because he was too engrossed in wallowing in his own self-pity. 

Tsukishima grabbed his coat and ran out towards Yamaguchi’s house. He needed to set things right. He needed to get back up. Before Yamaguchi closed off his heart completely. Before Yamaguchi completely disappears from his sight. Before it was too late.

He could not simply let Yamaguchi go. 

**_“My steps feel too heavy / To make it through the day without you”_ **

His every step was filled with what ifs.

_One step_.

What if it was already too late?

_ One step. _

What if Yamaguchi did not even want to ever see him again?

_One step_.

What if this would just ruin it even more?

_ One step. _

What if Tsukishima never deserved Yamaguchi in the first place?

Tsukishima stopped in his tracks. He contemplated turning back and just going home. Hadn’t he hurt Yamaguchi enough? Hadn’t he placed Yamaguchi through enough pain for the past years he had known him? 

Tsukishima could not take a step forward. He was afraid. Afraid that seeing Yamaguchi would only be the final cut to the already frayed string that was their friendship. Afraid that Yamaguchi would take him back because of his selflessness. Afraid that he would only put Yamaguchi through pain if he continued to stay in his life. 

Tsukishima could not take a step back either. That too, was scary. It was scary to think that this could have been his final chance to tie back their friendship. It was scary to think that Yamaguchi could feel hurt every time they see each other if he did not do anything. It was scary to think that he could really, completely lose the most precious person in his life while leaving said person heartbroken. 

He thought hard about it. He decided it was better to face the problem head on than run away. So he tried. He tried to take one small step in front. It was difficult, it felt like there was a 100kg weight tied to his leg. But he tried again. One step in front of the other. 

**_“I know it because I’m a fool / I can’t live without you.”_ **

Tsukishima realised he was not as smart as he thought he was. 

He had been a fool all this time. For never realising how important Yamaguchi was to him. For never realising how much Yamaguchi gave to him. 

He had been a fool for thinking Yamaguchi seemed too clingy when it was really him who was clinging on to his friendship. He had been a fool for never letting go of his pride and ego in front of Yamaguchi. He had been a fool for ever thinking Yamaguchi did not care. He had been a fool for letting his emotions get to him. 

Tsukishima Kei had been a fool.

Tsukishima Kei was a fool.

But the fool was going to right his wrong as much as he could.

Because Tsukishima knew that he was a fool for ever thinking he could live without Yamaguchi. 

**_“Once again towards you”_ **

One more step. Tsukishima lifted his hand to press the doorbell to the Yamaguchi household. Tsukishima waited as he heard the hushed conversation from the other side of the door. He could hear Terushima’s voice as he told Yamaguchi who was at the door. He could hear Terushima’s protest when Yamaguchi asked him to let him in. He could hear the anger in Terushima’s rough action as he unlocked and opened the door.

One more step.

Tsukishima walked in, nodding slightly to Terushima who was glaring at him. 

One more step.

Tsukishima walked towards the dinner table where Yamaguchi was sitting. He really did look terrible. Hair messed up, the bags under his eyes seemed more heavier, his nose red. He was biting his bottom lip as his fingers fidgeted.

**_“One more step, I will never stop”_ **

Tsukishima sat down on the seat across Yamaguchi. He could hear Terushima sitting down on the couch behind him, could feel his eyes burning holes on his back. 

Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi. He looked more miserable up close. Yamaguchi refused to look up, keeping his eyes focused on the countertop like the marble design was an interesting story book. 

Tsukishima took a deep breath, taking it as an opportunity to sort out his thoughts before he said anything that could potentially harm the already fragile heart of Yamaguchi. With Terushima watching him like an eagle, he knew one small mistake could also mean his death. 

One more step.

“Yamaguchi, I’m really, truly sorry for everything.”

**_“I’ll always be on track.”_ **

Time did heal, Tsukishima learned. 

As he walked down the aisle with Yamaguchi beside him as his best man, he realised once again that Yamaguchi’s friendship was still one of the most precious things in his life. It took many, many baby steps for them to rebuild their friendship after that fight. It took a long while for Yamaguchi to finally go back to how he used to be, and Tsukishima was glad he waited it out. He was more than happy to slow down to match Yamaguchi’s pace this time. 

To see Yamaguchi smiled like he always did before, Tsukishima could run around the entire world and take thousands and millions of steps if he needed to. 

Because Yamaguchi Tadashi was one of the most precious people to him, second only to his soon-to-be-husband. 

“Don’t mess up your vows, Kuroo Kei~” Yamaguchi joked as they were nearing the altar.

Tsukishima smiled and whispered back, “He's the one who’s going to be Tsukishima Tetsurou, silly.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! <3 please listen to the song this fic was inspired from [here](https://youtu.be/XkxWIAe3NDU)!
> 
> come say hi to me on twitter (@tendoutwts)! :D


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